In a world overflowing with highlight reels of perfect lives and great adventures, and so much time to scroll through them, I’ve been struggling to keep up.
Struggling to keep my apartment clean, eat healthily, workout, and work from home. Be a good wife, a good sister, a good friend. Check projects off of my long, long list.
Then I find myself snapping a photo of the fleeting moments that I actually do one of these things, and I post it.
I create my highlight reel as I sit in anxiety, stress, and depression trying to make it look like I have it all together.
As if posting filtered photos of my perfectly decorated cupcake is going to make it all go away.
We position something just right in our lens and slap on a filter of perfection that doesn’t exist and together we built this massive world of FOMO and insecurities.
We feed our feelings of unworthiness all day long as we scroll and we pin and we post and we tweet and we retweet and you get the point.
For me, this leads to a lifetime of chasing perfection.
From late nights reorganizing my apartment for the 100th time because it’s not perfect to early mornings in the kitchen because the thought of the dishes in the sink kept me up all night and as hard as I try I can’t stand the thought of it.
It’s feeling unworthy at work because I made a small mistake, but in my mind, I’m not allowed to make mistakes.
It’s collapsing in my husband’s arms, trying to catch my breath because I failed… Again.
And I’ve realized, this cannot just be me; regardless of the scenarios, I’ve made up in my head of everyone else’s perfection.
Now, I’m craving a social media connection on a real level. I want to see your dirty dishes, piles of laundry, a picture of the dinner you burnt and isn’t plated perfectly.
Sure, your vacation photos are amazing. But, I want to hear about the days and the nights you spent on the couch. The weekends you did nothing.
I want to hear about the things you think failed at and share in those experiences because failure is splattered all over the pathway to success.
The idea of living moment to moment only looking for perfect snapshots is tearing out so much of the beauty of life.
I’m so tired of the highlight reel of life filtered through a lens because even though it’s possible and wonderful to have moments of perfection in our lives, it is small and it’s not what matters the most.
I want to see your outtakes and your moments of imperfection because that is where the beauty is and that is what we all need because no one is perfect.
caysi-rae: a day in the life 